Do you manage your emotions or do they manage you?
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Viktor E. Frankl
Viktor E. Frankl
Is there really a gap?
Are we really Free to Choose?
Viktor Frankl ingeniously highlighted the self awareness/management process when he stated that there is a space between stimulus and response - a space within which we can choose how we will act. But, according to neuroscience research this space is non existing between 95 to 99% of the time. Since a very early age we start establishing certain behavioural, emotional, and cognitive patterns that become encrypted into our subconscious mind - and as we reach around 35 years of age - this subconscious mind dictates most of how we feel, think or act.
In the words of William James,
“We are mere bundles of habits, imitators and copiers of our past selves. Habits are stuff of which behavior consists.”
“We are mere bundles of habits, imitators and copiers of our past selves. Habits are stuff of which behavior consists.”
We all need the Autopilot
Though some of us might think that this cognitive/behavioural and emotional autopilot is taking away our freedom to choose, the fact is that we cannot function without it. Actually, shifting these patterns into the subconscious mind allows us to save time and energy, processing thoughts, feelings and behavioural responses spontaneously and effortlessly. If we would try to process our cognitive, emotional and behavioural processes at a conscious level - our brain would simply overheat and collapse!
The Good News
The good news is that our brain remains plastic throughout our entire life and therefore - in case some of the established patterns do not serve us - we have a choice to change them. How do we rewire our brain? In order to change our habits, we first need to become fully aware of them. Research shows that as we grow in self-awareness we actually build or expand the space between the stimulus and response of which Viktor E. Frankl spoke ... and as a consequence, we automatically improve our self management skills.
The Emotional Agility Process
Here is an example of a simple yet powerful self awareness/management process identified by Harvard Psychologist Susan David in her book called Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change and Thrive in Work and Life
Susan David highlights the process as follows:
Showing up: Be present to what you're feeling without judgment.
Stepping out: Create some mental space between you and the emotion.
Walking your why: Identify beliefs and behaviors that are important to you.
Moving on: Cultivate habits and behaviors that are congruent with your values.
Stepping out: Create some mental space between you and the emotion.
Walking your why: Identify beliefs and behaviors that are important to you.
Moving on: Cultivate habits and behaviors that are congruent with your values.
Do you want to become
more Effective in Managing
your Thoughts and Emotions?
more Effective in Managing
your Thoughts and Emotions?